When problem encountered, the first reaction we have is "all his/her fault". And that we act like we are the victim of the event. Sounds familiar? I am too who went through the same pattern in my entire life until learned Zen's teaching from Master Miao Tsan. In order to change our habitual pattern and to uplift ourselves, right understanding is very important. Please see Master's guidance as below. "When we encounter problems, we must first acknowledge the problem and then be willing to face it squarely. Facing a problem means seeing oneself as the sole creator of the problem and as the one experiencing the problem in the present moment. Knowing scriptures or hearing the truth is not enough to truly own this fact. It is a profound realization, a realization from the depth of our heart, that we have been the lead actor in our life's dramatic play of happiness, sadness, union and separation. This life we experience is only our own. A problem does not originate from outside of us. If we fail to understand this truth and instead insist on delegating responsibility out­side ourselves--creating blame--we have not been properly prepared to uplift ourselves spiritually. And as long as we fail to understand this truth, we will not find any true success in life. To be blind to the root of a problem is to be a soldier who does not know the whereabouts of his enemy. A problem cannot be resolved unless we know its cause; unless we are able to shoulder the responsibility for self-reflection, we will miss the opportunity for change." Fa Hwa